Fifty Shades of Grays

Fall is here, the trees are changing,  and I am finally done with radiation! After six rounds of chemo last summer it was apparent in August that the cancer was no longer responding and it was time to try something else and go for radiation treatment. I was scared and just worn out from the previous months of chemo and surgeries. Reluctantly I met with the radiation oncologist and a plan was proposed to treat my chest wall and lymph nodes on the mastectomy side (my left), as well as the right lymph node that had showed up on the PET scan earlier that year as potentially having cancer. The dose of radiation I would get was measured in grays, (about two per day) totaling fifty to sixty over six weeks. The process involves CT scans and careful computer imaging and dose planning. The CT setup appointment took about an hour or so. My treatment position had to be the same every day, so I was given three pink laser tattoos to help line me up under the machine. I laid down on a hard breast board face up, arms over my head in immobilizer stirrup things. I had to turn my head to the right to avoid any radiation issues from the beam that passed around in front and above me.  Having treatment to my left side meant that I would have to hold my breath while the beam was on, usually about fifteen to twenty seconds at a time. The breath hold technique helped to protect my heart from excessive radiation. I practiced this before treatment started, but it was still challenging each time. To get an idea of it, lay on a hard surface (make sure it digs into your shoulder blades) with your arms over your head and neck in awkward position, then take a deep breath in and hold it for fifteen to twenty seconds and DON'T MOVE! Repeat this twelve times in a row.

Each day we would go to the cancer center and I would wait my turn to go into that room. The techs were, apart from one nice lady, all guys! Uggghh, more strangers looking at my scarred up chest! I had been assigned a bathrobe to change into everyday after I arrived. I quickly found that it made no real sense to get there, change into a robe, and walk into a room just to take the robe off again. So I wore simple zip front hoodies instead. You have to understand how bizarre it felt to chit chat with the techs, while whipping off my jacket, walking over to the treatment bed, and laying there for thirty minutes...topless...every day. Oh well, they were very professional and always tried to make me as comfortable as possible.

The process was about the same each time. Lay down under machine, put arms in immobilizers. Foam pillow was put under my knees for support. My head was in a hard neck immobilizer cradle with a small pillow over the top. The table would be raised and then they would adjust me using lasers and my tattoos, making sharpie marks when needed. By this time I'm uncomfortable and just want to get it over with. They step out of the room and I'm alone with the machine, looking up at artsy soft glow ceiling (that I would grow to hate over time). Techs voice over intercom, "OK Lynn, looks good here, when you're ready take in a deep breath and hold". I breath in, hold and don't move while the machine tracks around me with buzzes and clicks, beaming radiation into me.  "And breathe..." The tech would say, and I relaxed, breathed out and prepared for the next zap. This would be repeated for a dozen or so times, after which I could bring my arms down for a couple of minutes as they set up to zap my right side. That part was faster but still required me to hold my breath. Due to scar tissue from surgery, my left arm and shoulder would start to seize up and get pretty painful halfway through treatment. I just pushed through it.

After the treatment was done they would lower the bed away from the machine head, and help me slowly sit up. I got dressed, went home, and put the lotions on. I used cortisone, Miaderm and MyGirls cream diligently every day. I got a little pink but only burned in a very small area by my collar bone. The docs were so impressed with my skin that I was able to add three extra treatments to my left side. It was a wearing experience, and at times painful, but I'm glad that it's done and hopefully it killed most of the cancer.  Only time will tell.